37 is still young

If you could calculate the value of "(stock option + restricted units) less than 1700 shares" put it around $50,000 per year, the deal is not too bad. Since you lived in LA, the living cost is the same as SV, there is no shock to you for high housing cost in SV.

I would recommend you to go for career dream. 37 years old is still young. If this manager has intention to promote you, go for it. It is very hard to find a manager who would like to promote your career. If you want to pursue technical leadership in your field, you had better to work on projects which would enhance your skills.

As to your wife career, it seems that she has no career ambition. As long as she has a skill in demand, it is not difficult to find a job in SV.