再读，感觉有几个词是不是可以斟酌一下呢。

The morning, long after
I woke in yawn to your body
for I had been used to
as I should

all around us black roses had never awaken
only the rims of leaves bathed in the golden light
your breath calm as your back against my arm
your eyes sleeping

smell of frost
in early fall

所有跟帖： 

• your breath calm(ed) -昆仑- ♀ (28 bytes) () 09/08/2011 postreply 11:12:18

• 我觉得CALM比CALMED好。 -墨瑞- ♀ (275 bytes) () 09/08/2011 postreply 12:59:10

• 原玉比较温情 -nuts000- ♀ (32 bytes) () 09/08/2011 postreply 15:43:35

• 所以我认为BLACK和GOLDEN都有点......TOO　ＳＴＲＯＮＧ了 -墨瑞- ♀ (105 bytes) () 09/08/2011 postreply 18:16:49

• 淡和倦都会有的 -nuts000- ♀ (23 bytes) () 09/08/2011 postreply 20:24:17