练练冷饭新炒-------致少女！ (Critiques welcomed!!!)

致少女 For A Girl
-- 献给莹莹 Dedicated to Yingying
作者：元梁 By Yuan Liang


清澈的小河
依偎着
起伏的山壑

A clear water
Streaming close along
A wavy mountain

简陋的小屋
点缀着
碧绿的秧禾

Simple small homes
Scattered in
Green cropland

扬鞭的小童
吆喝着
笨重的牛车

Whip-raising kids
Signalling (to ox) in toned words
Guiding forth the heavy oxcarts

飞舞的小鸟
斑斓着
茂密的枝柯

Cheering birds
Dancing spots
On the thick leaved woods

秀美的少女
欢喜着
田园的春色

A beautiful girl
Being fond of
This vast Spring landscape

俏丽的面庞
纯净的眼波
你, 却是我的天国

It is however the pretty cheek
And the pure eyes
That make my own wonderland

哦, 可爱的姑娘
你象那安详的白鸽
一切神情
都那么温柔, 平和

Oh, lovely girl
What a peaceful pigeon you are
With all the looks
Being mild and loving

哦, 亲爱的姑娘
你如那优雅的天鹅
每个姿态
都那么高贵, 独特

Oh, lovely girl
What an elegant swan you are
With every pose
Being refined and beyond mimic

多么希望 ----
这春心初漾的羞涩
此山铭刻
你的笑靨
将永远珍放在
我心中的像册

How hard I am wishing ----
The timidity of my emerging affection for you
Long lives in me as the mountain
And with your smile
Saved deep
Into my album heart

多么盼望 ----
这爱意始萌的欢乐
此水长歌
你的情怀
将永久难忘在
我未来的生活

How hard I am wishing ----
The current of my emerging love
Gets across to you like the flowing singing water
And with your loving affection
Condensed into an eternal memory
For the whole of my coming life

多想就这样陪着你呵
好像苍山伴着青河 …

How much I wish being with you this way
As the mountain is always with the water ...



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P.S. My translation process is targetting to capture the spirits of the original and bring them into playing in another code-setting as much as possible. Obviously for defining the same sets of pictures and emotions, you can find English never reaches the economy as the Chinese does.The functional powers of the Chinese are truly plaudible!

BTW, I sacrificed some brevity in exchange of retaining the beauty of the original, and as well achieving the clarity and readability of the counterpart. It is not an easy job compromising a balance. hehe!!!