1 真正的勇气
An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on the deck of a ship watching war exercises. The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts“Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!"
Upon which the American challenges him: "Oh YEAH?"
The Russian says, "Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck (into the freezing Atlantic) and swim around the ship!" Yuri marches off without a word, and does as he is told. The Russian turns around and says: "See, there's an example of courage!"
The American has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives him the order: "Jack, Jump off the main mast into the ocean, and swim around the ship seven times!"
Poor Jack goes off without a murmur, and he too does as he is told. The American General says: "Now top that for courage!"
So they both turn around to the British General who has been standing around watching these antics silently. They ask him: “What about your people?"
So the British guy calls up one of his people and says: "Trevor, jump off the mast and swim under the keel of the ship, will you, old chap?"
Trevor stares at his general.
"Let me get this right. You want me to jump off the mast."
"Yes."
"And swim under the keel."
"Yes."
"You must be daft!"
And so saying, Trevor turns around and saunters off. Whereupon the British General turns to the other two and says, "Now there’s an example of TRUE courage!"
2 优缺点
"This house,” said the realestate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about the disadvantage-there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse one block north.”
"What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
"The good thing about it,” said the agent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
3 发生在院子里的怪事
A woman with a broken ankle was gingerly hobbling along on crutches as she attempted to walk her dog. Because of her handicap, however, she was having a lot of trouble keeping the dog under control. Finally, the dog lunged forward, the leash slipped out of her hand, and the dog went running down the street. She called and called, but the dog wouldn't come back. Since she couldn’t chase after it, she eventually gave up and went home.
A couple of hours later she heard something scratching at the door. When she went to the door she found her dog standing there with a dead rabbit in its mouth. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was the neighbors' pet rabbit. She knew she would never be able to tell them what happened, and since they were out of town for the weekend, she hit upon a plan.
She took the rabbit into the bathroom, washed it off, and blew its fur dry. Then she took the rabbit back to the neighbor’s backyard and put the rabbit back in its cage. She thought the neighbors would discover the rabbit dead and think it died in the cage. They would never suspect what really happened.
On Monday, there was a knock at the door, and when she answered, there was her neighbor standing there. He asked her if she had seen anyone in their backyard over the weekend. She said no. He said, "Did you see anything strange going on around our house or yard?" Again, she denied seeing anything suspicious. She said, "Why are you asking me these questions? What happened?" He said, "Well, something really strange is going on in my backyard. On Friday our rabbit died, so we buried it in the backyard. But when we came back from the weekend, it was back in the cage!”
4 医院公告栏上的留言
Colloquium announcement:
Research shows the first five minutes of life can be the most risky.
Hand-written note underneath:
The last five minutes aren't so hot either.
5 翅膀
The fried chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."
6 金色的酒吧
One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife (who is suspecting he’s cheating on her) questions his whereabouts…
Wife: "Where were you?"
Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden.”
Wife: "Sure you were. There’s no such place”
Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even golden urinals!”
Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%.”
So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar. She’s surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides to call up and check this out for herself…
Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"
Bartender: "Yes it is.”
Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors?"
Bartender: "Yes we do…”
Wife: "Do you have golden floors?"
Bartender: "We have them, too…”
Wife: "What about golden urinals?"
Bartender (speaking away from phone):"Hey Max, I think we have a clue about the guy that peed on your alto-sax.”
