Whenever he acts up, say to him: Please! don't distract yourself by what I just did. Tell me, better yet, tell yourself what is actually troubling you.
Maybe you need to ask for his opinion before starting doing something that'd affect him. Show more deference toward him. Man, the primitive part of his brain, beyond the reach of his consciousness, needs this stuff. His lack of competence in other area makes him more needy to feel in control.
Remind your son to be respectful. Ask him to think about what he is grateful for each morning. Let your husband hear your conversation.
