Open a new post because I really think this is a very bad essay for college application. If it is just a homework or practice writing, this is a really good essay, as it shows clearly her deep-inheart feeling. If it is for college application, I suggest change it.
It clearly shows the struggling feeling from the kid. U know what does "struggling" mean? Sometime it means "being twisted" already. Nobody likes negative feeling; this article even shows some darkness. Many ABC kids here have had similar experience, however, most of them are very sunny and still are very happy to accept the challenge. I do not think the AO would like to take chance to accept a student that might have been already twisted in her early life. Like just said above, most ABC kids do not have a such negative feeling. Everybody needs to work hard, not only ABC, but also people of every other race.
Remember, an essay for college application is not for writing competetition. Like everything in the adult world, if one wants to get something from others, one needs to present the best, most attractive parts to the other side. You can say this is pakaging; nothing is wrong with pakaging, as we adult are doing it daily; as long as do not lie.
My 2 cents.