父母对子女：要求越低，惊喜越多

昨晚开了老师家长会。去之前就问儿子：你想和老爸一起去见老师吗？儿子说最好就老爸去，他在卖书的地方等。老爸问他为什么，他说他不是很肯定他的成绩，不好意思见老师。老爸说，没关系，努力过后，是什么就是什么。成绩是过去式。要是老师告诉你那里要努力，你就更该听听了。就这样，儿子被老爸赶鸭子上架去见老师了。

坐下来，老师就开儿子的玩笑："What do you think about your grade? As or Bs?"

儿子不好意思，说，"Probably Fs。"

"Do you really want Fs? I can change now." 老师将了儿子一军。儿子只好傻笑了。

"Ok, all As, buddy. You have done a good job."然后转头和我谈："They all have done well. Don;t pay too much attention to these subjects that he has not reached the highest scores, that is because we are still working on them. "老师手指指向那些标了”2“的栏目（3是最高分）。

老爸扫了一眼，给老师签字，就算把儿子半个学期的成绩过目完毕。老师又从儿子的文件夹里拿出一张彩色的报告单："This is the standard test report. You took the test last semester. I don;t know why it ended up in my hands, any way. Very good job."

噢，知道，这是全州统考成绩，儿子上学期就考了，报纸上早就有各个学校的比较，但一直没看到个人成绩。老师指给我们看：“Don;t look at the scores. They are confusing. Just look the percentile. You did a great job, too."

老爸看了一眼，还不错，比老爸想象的要好--reading, math, science分别是96，99，96%。想想儿子去年在gifted班上的挣扎，这个成绩也是来之不易的。

和老师道别，走出教室，儿子赶紧拿过标准考试成绩单，自己一行一行读起来。看到这个percentile,连忙问："Dad, this is national percentile, does this mean I beat a lot of kids in other states, too?"

"Yes. However, our state is not the best. Generally speaking, MA and CA are good for education. We are probably in the middle level of the country. Listen, you have spent one year in gifted program to achieved this. If you continue to work hard, you will be even better..."

大概自己也觉得不错，挺高兴，拉着老爸去卖书的地方，挑了一本老师要的书，跑回教室，恭恭敬敬地送给了老师。

 

 

在许多场合，孩子往往会显示出他们对成绩无所谓的态度。但其实他们新底是很想讨父母喜欢，很在乎父母的想法的。所以，父母要求低一些，自己惊喜，也容易对孩子采取积极态度。这种积极态度对孩子也会有激励作用。

 

（二0一0年十月二十九日）