Nice work! Here are a few suggestions:

月亮代表我的心 The Moon Shines on My Heart ==> How about "my heart is bright as the moon"?

深深的一段情 So briefly we were together ==> How about "such a deep affection"?
教我思念到如今 The sweetness lingering forever ==> How about "I miss it day and night till now"?

你去看一看 you'll know when you look ==> How about "you'll see when you look"?