稍微改了一改。冒犯了。

Dear Admission Officer,

I write on behalf of my daughter, XXX, who is applying for admission to XXX for the class of 2018.

The three words that come to my mind to characterize YOUR DAUGHTER"S FIRST NAME are: Principled, Strong, and Committed.

YOUR DAUGHTER"S FIRST NAME treats her undertakings seriously, be it academic studies, extra curricular activities, or charity events. Her honesty, openness, and service have won high respect from those she worked with.

YOUR DAUGHTER"S FIRST NAME is interested in the Business program at XXX. Her interest developed over the last few years in high school when she took business-related courses and when she partook in a fun and inspiring experience last year at the XXX summer program. She intends to study finance and accounting, following her mother's foot steps.

YOUR DAUGHTER"S FIRST NAME has enriched her personal experience with studying overseas. Her two-year enrollment in a local Chinese not only honed her skills in a language spoken in the most populous country, but also provided her an international perspective. The experience has proven to be an asset at the summer program when she was able to extend help to the attending international students.

As alumni of XXX (Ph. D  XXXX and MBA XXXX), my wife and I have a first-hand appreciation of the excellent quality of education and the environment conducive to personal development at the XXX.  We would love nothing less than seeing YOUR DAUGHTER"S FIRST NAME mature and thrive at XXX on her way to becoming a pillar of her community. 

Sincerely,