She wants you to feel guilty.

Whether you deserve it or not is not the issue. The point is so that she exerts some kind of power over you.

Your giving her material things will not help as much as you think it would in the direction you like to see.

She is already an adult.  Your influence over her is limited, especially when she does not want your influence, other than your money.

Show that you care about her being happy, without benefiting yourself as a side effect.

Respect her as an individual.  Set your expectations right.  Asking someone to help you clean is a big deal.

Have your own life. Pamper yourself. When you have a happy life, hers will be better too because you'll not burden her mentally.