译作11 曾经

【尼日利亚】加布里埃尔·奥卡拉

2022年3月2日星期三

 

曾经，儿子

他们常常由衷发笑

眼睛也透出率真

而现在他们仅是露齿发笑

冷冰冰的眼神却在我的四周搜寻

 

曾经

他们的确握手真诚

但那已成为过去，儿子

现在他们握手，心不在焉

右手握着

左手却企图在我的空袋里翻寻

 

“就像自己家一样！”“再来啊！”

他们说。当我再来时

一次，两次，感觉像自己家一样

但再也没有第三次---

因我发现他们已经关上大门

 

所以我学会了许多，儿子

我学会了装扮各种各样的脸

就像适时更换自己的着装---

家里的脸，办公室的脸，逛街的脸，主人的脸

以及鸡尾酒脸，带着所有适宜的微笑

如同一张带着永恒微笑的照片

 

我也学会了仅露齿发笑

也学会了敷衍式的握手

还学会了说“再见”

而实际上是庆幸将对方摆脱

学会了说“很高兴见到你”

而实际上是满心不愿

学会了说“很乐意与你交谈”

而实际上是倍感心烦

 

但相信我，儿子

我想做回曾经的自己，就像现在的你

我想丢弃所有这些虚伪，待人诚恳

尤其是想重新学会怎样发笑

因我在镜中露齿的笑容

就如蛇露出獠牙般的可怖狰狞

 

所以告诉我，儿子

怎样发笑，怎样显露自己真实的笑容

就如现在的你，我的曾经

 

后记：此诗语言朴素，风格独特，如父子在壁炉前对话。一个人从童年到成年，学会了圆滑，却丢弃了童真。

原文

Once Upon a Time

by Gabriel Okara

 

Once upon a time, son,

they used to laugh with their hearts

and laugh with their eyes:

but now they only laugh with their teeth,

while their ice-block-cold eyes

search behind my shadow.

 

There was a time indeed

they used to shake hands with their hearts:

but that’s gone, son.

Now they shake hands without hearts

while their left hands search

my empty pockets.

 

‘Feel at home!’ ‘Come again’:

they say, and when I come

again and feel

at home, once, twice,

there will be no thrice-

for then I find doors shut on me.

 

So I have learned many things, son.

I have learned to wear many faces

like dresses – homeface,

officeface, streetface, hostface,

cocktailface, with all their conforming smiles

like a fixed portrait smile.

 

And I have learned too

to laugh with only my teeth

and shake hands without my heart.

I have also learned to say,’Goodbye’,

when I mean ‘Good-riddance’:

to say ‘Glad to meet you’,

without being glad; and to say ‘It’s been

nice talking to you’, after being bored.

 

But believe me, son.

I want to be what I used to be

when I was like you. I want

to unlearn all these muting things.

Most of all, I want to relearn

how to laugh, for my laugh in the mirror

shows only my teeth like a snake’s bare fangs!

 

So show me, son,

how to laugh; show me how

I used to laugh and smile

once upon a time when I was like you.