他该走的路（英诗） 附自唱：天路

来源: 于 2016-10-12 19:54:22 [博客] [旧帖] [给我悄悄话] 本文已被阅读：次

 

The Road He Should Take


Oh,
you, winding,
rugged
muddy
flat
straight
wide
steady...
and endless roads...
please let him know
which one of you
he should take
to reach her soul.


By 小贝壳
Nov.20， 2015

 

Comments:

Firemajic

Check your commas Xioman...maybe one too many... I love this message! just one wrong turn.. and then the potential for heartbreak or happiness.. which will it be... always a pleasure to read your work..
  • 2015-11-21, 12:12
    inkwellness
    Poignant and thought provoking. I like the succession of adjectives. It can create a feeling in the reader of long drudgery, similar to what the endless roads represent.
  • 2015-11-23, 04:22
    Fats Velvet
    I have a few really piddling comma suggestions beyond what you've already improved, but this poem is too good to call broken in any way.
  • 2015-11-23, 16:03
    shedpog329
    I really enjoyed this, hope he reaches that destination! Well done!!
  • 2015-11-23, 18:54
    Blade
    :flower:

    The only suggestion I might have would be to make line 2 'you , winding,' into lines 2 and 3 thus leaving a singular column of words.:-k

    Enjoyed.


     

 

 


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