1. My wife packed up my bags and told me to get the hell out and never come back.
As I was walking to my car, she yelled at me from the door,
"I hope you die a slow and horrible death, you moron!"
"Wow," I said, "so you’re saying I should return?"
2. My girlfriend said she expected me to treat her like a princess.
Very well, I married her to a weird guy old enough to be her grandpa to strengthen my business alliance with Germany.
3. A married couple were having dinner at home. The wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top. She said: “oh, I’m a pig.”
The husband replied: “And you dropped tomato sauce on your clothes.”
