世界秩序与两头奶牛(英语)

WORLD ORDER ACCORDING TO TWO COWS

 

1) FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

 

2) PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts 
them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the 
cows. The government gives you as much as you need.

 

3) BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them 
and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by 
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government 
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and 
as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.

 

4) FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hire you to take 
care of them, and sells you the milk.

 

5) PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care 
of them, and you all share the milk.

 

6) RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, 
but the government takes all the milk.

 

7) DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots 
you.

 

8) SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you from 
keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

 

9) MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

 

10) PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the 
milk.

 

11) REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone 
to tell you who gets the milk.

 

12) AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if 
you vote for it. After election, the president is impeached for speculating 
in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

 

13) BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and 
they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

 

14) BUREACRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what 
you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk 
them. After that, it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the 
milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for 
the missing cows.

 

15) ANACHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price 
or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

 

16) CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

 

17) HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your 
publicly listed company, then execute a debt/equity swap so that you get 
all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows.

 

18) ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking 
or killing them.

 

19) FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

 

20) TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies 
they ever existed. Milk is banned.

 

21) POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"
 is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently-
aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

 

22) COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like ... these two cows, man. You 
just got to have some of this milk.

 

23) SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take 
harmonica lessons.