Are you sure you know how to read Chinese? I think you confused 建议 and “judgement”. See? One is in English and the other is in Chinese. The original poster is asking for advice, not a psychoanalysis of their personality.
“You noticed. It must have given a warm and fuzzy feeling. "Nice" is not a good thing here. His niceness left you to fend for yourself”
Nice to know, but the poster is asking for advice. Not sure how this is supposed to help them when it’s obvious here that the boss isn’t going to take either side.
“Do not think this way. Ask if you were a manager, what you would say and do. Ask more why things are done than how it is done. If you don't, your coworker will fill the vacuum.”
This was literally the poster telling us what their job is. They’re not saying they’re gunning for a promotion or giving up work because they don’t feel like it. Your comment is completely irrelevant to the discussion. I hope it’s obvious that if you give up work, other people will fill the spot because there is work to be done and no one to do it.
“You don't know this for certain. You are telling yourself this to justify. Why do you need such justification?”
Justify what? It’s natural to need time to learn something new. Nothing deeper to read into here.
“He is acting like your manager.”
Oh man, we have Sherlock Holmes in the house! Yes, obviously this guy thinks that because he has seniority within the team, he can make judgement calls on what newer people do. Good thing there’s already a manager so he can only act like one instead of actually tell people what to do.
“Why? You want to be nice and reasonable, to elicit the same in return. But it has been interpreted as weakness.”
Is it a crime to be nice and reasonable? I didn’t know that being mean to coworkers was a trend right now. Obviously, this guy is trying to take advantage of the poster’s kindness. That’s why the poster is asking for advice on how to cleanly shut this guy down which this comment clearly doesn’t give.
“Even if it is true, he shouldn't know you readily accept this. This was his openning to dump on you.”
Obviously. Your point?
“Smile that business grin. You do not need a long face to justify your issue. You are worthy just by your very being. Value yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you. Focus on the issue, which is not part of you. Say to yourself: this is unpleasant, but so what. Do not let your "flight" response distract you.”
Finally! An actual suggestion. Smile at them until they stop bothering you. Your smile must be imbued with magic. Sadly, us mortals cannot use the same tactics. The poster isn’t asking about their worth. They have not said anything about not valuing themselves. Give actual actionable advice.
“You don't need this conditional. Next time you want to say "I'm a reasonable guy", don't! Do not let reason as the reference point, you are the reference point. You alone are reason enough.”
???
“Think of your childhood, when you got mad, what was that event? Is your present response a reflex left over from that long-ago time? Is such reflex still suitable for today?”
I see. So this entire issues stems from the lack of love this poster received as a child which then manifested as fits of anger such that the poster cannot think reasonably when people aren’t nice to them. Amazing. I don’t even remember every single time I got angry as a child, but I’d like to think that I’ve matured over time such that I no longer respond in the same childish manner. I hope that the poster also matured from their formative years though I don’t remember being so nice and reasonable when I was angry as a child personally.
“You are looking for a third reference point outside of you. Seeking such a point tells the other guy that you don't think much of yourself.”
I guess everyone in this forum doesn’t think much of themselves except for you. You’re perfect. What’s wrong with seeking advice when you don’t have prior experience in that kind of situation? People shouldn’t need to do things the wrong way to learn the right way, and a major aspect of learning how to approach new situations is asking for advice from people who have been in those kinds of situations before. That last statement is kind of weird. I’m not sure why the poster would tell the other guy that they are seeking advice from a third party. Hence, why would they think less of the poster anyway?
I hope the poster doesn’t read your response and take it to heart. You’re essentially saying that the problem lies with the poster, that the reason why they are in this situation and are unable to respond on their own is due to deep-rooted anger issues as a child and a lack of self-confidence. The poster isn’t asking for an analysis of why their response isn’t enough. They’re asking for advice on how to resolve this conflict.
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