Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t.
- Ian Summers
"When we grow up, we are defined by our parents' expectations. In our later years, we are defined either by our work or by our spouses. We are living in other people's eyes. When one day, we wake up, we discover that we are not living our authentic selves. We find out our outer lives out of sync with who we really are on the inside. Wouldn't you feel torn by the conflict induced by that?
Nevertheless, it is a hard journey to seek our true identity. Sometimes our need to belong is so strong that we are willing to sacrifice our individuality just to fit in. We may even think of this as a very spiritual exercise of humility. To say, “Whatever…” is equated with considering others better than ourselves.
It takes a self-defined, and therefore authentic person, to offer a dissenting opinion in a discussion without feeling threatened. If we allow others to define us we will always be looking for the cozy comfort of consensus. Once we begin defining ourselves, an opposing point of view loses the threat and discomfort it once held.
Sometimes, it seems, we cannot become ourselves until certain persons who have defined us die. I have frequently observed adults in their 40s or 50s make significant changes in their lives once their parents have passed away. A friend in her mid-fifties recently cut her hair for the first time, something she had always been told she could not do, but something she had long desired to do. When I met her for the first time after “the cutting” she emanated a radiance I had not seen before. Her inner and outer self were in agreement and it showed.
But it is hard work to consciously sort through and then either endorse or discard that which we have been told we are. For some, this process seems too reckless even to attempt. Yet it is a process that must happen if we are to become authentic persons. While going through some of this soul-wrenching work, remember, Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t. It is a truth I carry with me on my continuing journey toward greater authenticity."
- Ian Summers
"When we grow up, we are defined by our parents' expectations. In our later years, we are defined either by our work or by our spouses. We are living in other people's eyes. When one day, we wake up, we discover that we are not living our authentic selves. We find out our outer lives out of sync with who we really are on the inside. Wouldn't you feel torn by the conflict induced by that?
Nevertheless, it is a hard journey to seek our true identity. Sometimes our need to belong is so strong that we are willing to sacrifice our individuality just to fit in. We may even think of this as a very spiritual exercise of humility. To say, “Whatever…” is equated with considering others better than ourselves.
It takes a self-defined, and therefore authentic person, to offer a dissenting opinion in a discussion without feeling threatened. If we allow others to define us we will always be looking for the cozy comfort of consensus. Once we begin defining ourselves, an opposing point of view loses the threat and discomfort it once held.
Sometimes, it seems, we cannot become ourselves until certain persons who have defined us die. I have frequently observed adults in their 40s or 50s make significant changes in their lives once their parents have passed away. A friend in her mid-fifties recently cut her hair for the first time, something she had always been told she could not do, but something she had long desired to do. When I met her for the first time after “the cutting” she emanated a radiance I had not seen before. Her inner and outer self were in agreement and it showed.
But it is hard work to consciously sort through and then either endorse or discard that which we have been told we are. For some, this process seems too reckless even to attempt. Yet it is a process that must happen if we are to become authentic persons. While going through some of this soul-wrenching work, remember, Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t. It is a truth I carry with me on my continuing journey toward greater authenticity."
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