俺最爱看侦探片, 当年追过的相关美剧一串串的, 也顺带练出了吃东西时百毒不侵的功力, 毕竟就着屏幕上各种血淋淋的犯罪、解剖现场, 俺吃下了无数顿午餐、晚餐。前不久在梦里,俺还很兴奋地跟几个学医的人说:“俺对法医 (forensics) 这门学科特别感兴趣,好想学啊!!”不过这恐怕是叶公好龙,日常里俺连只死去的蜘蛛都敬而远之。俺家洗衣间的晾绳一端就赫然有一具蜘蛛干尸,晃晃悠悠挂在那已快一年,全家不约而同地选择忽略它,只是晾衣时都会从离它一拳以外的地方开始。俺亲切地管它叫“夏洛特”(Charlotte),乐观地预测:除非发生地震或核爆,无论世事如何纷纭,“夏洛特”应该会一直呆在老地方,稳当又安逸。
![Charlotte's Web [DVD]: Amazon.de: DVD & Blu-ray](data:image/jpeg;base64,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)
俺们居住的德国乡下,治安太好,推门即见一大片希望的田野:大半年牛粪飘香,机械化便捷高效地轮种着各种庄稼。在这一派祥和里,最严重的犯罪大概也就是秋天到地里偷掰几根老玉米。其实俺村的老人大都很有钱,别看他们外出时颤颤悠悠,衣着极其朴素,实际上在犯罪份子眼里应该都是行走着的百万钱袋,金光灿灿,绑架他们远比国内拐卖儿童的利润高多了...... 万幸绑架、勒索的技术难度远远高于拐卖,老人们得以心无挂碍、安享晚年!
俺们最刺激的一次经历是前年夏天的一个夜晚,携手出门散步,发现天上长时间盘旋着直升机,好奇怪的景象哦!不一会儿迎面开来一辆面包车,停在俺们身边。女司机自称是警察,在抓一个骑单车的逃犯,问俺们有没有看到。老公说没看到,车就开走了。随即俺俩都觉得,应该要求她出示证件,没准是假冒的!幸好俺在场,否则某人恐怕要被劫色...... 夜色茫茫里,俺们越走越有些怕,互相吓唬道:逃犯有可能就躲在高高的庄稼丛里,随时会嗖地一下窜出来,到时候也不知道俺们的求救尝试能否被上方的直升机发现。两人一路上嘻嘻哈哈地打闹着,不断发出声响以吓唬潜在的坏人,到家之前直升机就飞向了远方,估计这个片区的搜查已结束。按他们这种搜法,应该根本不可能抓到逃犯。
综上可知,由于各种主客观原因,俺的侦探大业尚在起步阶段。以下四例是俺近期小试“牛刀"的全部尝试,兹以证明:再钝的刀,没事儿多琢磨琢磨,也能偶尔闪亮一下!![加油 加油](https://blog.wenxuecity.com/include/editor/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/wxc/007.gif)
(1)奇怪的气味
上个月某天,俺发现老公身上气味有些重,嗅觉特别敏感的俺不免有点不悦,随后又有些担心:难道趁俺一时没盯紧,他没每天更换T恤?!还是说,他身体欠佳,甚至突然提前进入衰老期?!当然俺也就自个儿心里嘀咕着,很快又忙开了。
到了晚上刷牙的时候,俺忽然笑了起来,一下子明白是怎么回事儿了。他是无辜的,这都是俺一手造成的!话说家里有一袋过期的咖喱粉,虽然老旧得连包装袋都破了,咱也不能浪费,而且咖喱据说有抗疫之效,于是这些天俺不论做什么菜都要洋洋洒洒地放上不少咖喱。时间一长,老公身上气味就重了;俺自己身上估计也有味儿,但通常人们对自身气味不敏感。
谢天谢地,那包咖喱粉几天后终于用完啦!
(2)垃圾桶困境
上周给出租屋的院子做了清整后,老公惊讶地发现装绿色垃圾(Biomüll)的桶远比以往要满,而装常规垃圾(Restmüll)的桶则特别空,他感到困惑。
两天以后,俺突然想出了答案:陆续入住的这两家都来自印度南部,他们都是吃素的,自然蔬菜瓜果食用得最多,因此产生的绿色厨用垃圾也最多!!因此俺建议老公,以后清理掉的植株不要扔到房客的绿色垃圾桶里,以给他们留够空间。
顺便说一下,此前老公抱着宁缺勿滥的原则,长达数月地耐心面试租房申请者,对此他自我宽慰道:“虽然费了不少时间,但有机会接触到各种各样有趣的人,还是蛮有意义的,尤其有些人通常是不可能遇上。”对连环杀手颇有研究的俺立即表示肯定:“是啊,了解了各种底细后,你还可以把他们中的一些左一个右一个地悄无声息地杀死,因为他们彼此毫无关联,背景各异,这案子根本破不了。" 老公大笑道:“对,除了一个共同点:他们都上我这儿看过房子!!”他又继续补刀:“而且租房广告还是刊登在公开平台上!”俺大笑着讪然辩解道:“高明的连环杀手自然会把这些电子痕迹巧妙地抹去。”
(3)失踪的螺帽
老公非常热爱自行车,并以此为豪。套用那位他不喜欢但俺挺喜欢的美国总统的语式,他大可宣称:“我真的非常聪明,我非常懂自行车,没有人比我更了解自行车了!”![哈哈 哈哈](https://blog.wenxuecity.com/include/editor/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/wxc/004.gif)
昨天他如常把库存的车子拆了装、装了拆地摆弄后,上来跟俺汇报:不小心弄丢了一枚螺帽,找了20来遍都没找到,幸好有备用的,但这事儿好奇怪。俺自告奋勇要帮他找,他眼睛一亮随即又摆摆手,毕竟他太清楚俺的视力从来就不是俺的强项。但俺非常乐观,坚持要去试一试,提醒他“ a pair of fresh eyes”的优势。
老公半推半就地同意了,果不其然,俺一到工作室门口,第一眼就瞅到了躺在地上的螺帽,它包裹在一小团絮状灰尘物里,简直没有比这更显眼的了。老公惊奇不已,说自己多次看到这团东西,但想到的仅仅是过段时间该打扫了。
俺得意啊,运气好得实在不行,毕竟从小到大俺找东西就非常不灵光,找吃的除外。不过除了传说中的”女人的直觉“外,这事儿也跟俺训练有素有关。自一年前俺同意担负起除尘大任后,俺的业务越来越娴熟。为了尽可能降低吸尘器的使用频率、减少俺的劳作,俺的眼睛已慢慢进化到对家里的积尘特别敏感,注意控制最脏的几个角落的“灾情”:静等灰尘堆积到一定程度后,就像婆婆那样轻巧地用湿纸巾把它们抹去,省得被老公唠叨。对,俺婆婆也是非常不爱用电动工具、凡事都尽可能简化的那类。在如何偷懒同时又保证生活质量方面俺会继续虚心诚恳地向她学习。
好吧,记录完下边这个例子,俺还是该去吸尘了,已经成功地把本月预定吸尘日期推后了10天,知足啦! ![OK OK](https://blog.wenxuecity.com/include/editor/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/wxc/025.gif)
(4)病毒面前横着走
最近三个月,俺每日都关注疫情,俨然已为该领域民科界的代表。虽不能像老顾的老婆那样,张口就能报上美国各州新冠病毒的感染人数,但俺对整个世界局势还是很清楚,各种治疗方案也用狂草记录在手边的小纸片上。
“功夫不负有心人",今早起床,俺就厚积薄发了:忽然意识到在当前欧洲,俺们亚裔是可以病毒面前横着走的!!!俺兴奋啊,手舞足蹈起来,给父母打电话时也顺带告诉了他们这个重大利好消息。
到了下午,俺趁老公躺在沙发上休息时,又给他宣示了俺的顿悟成果。
俺:“已有研究发现,这病毒目前有三大分支,A、B、C..."
老公立马笑着跟着说:"D、E、F、G..."
不等他把字母表念完,俺承认道:“好吧,算上印度最新发现的那款,共有四大支。”
然后俺介绍这三大支是如何演化流转的,总之呢,就是目前肆虐于欧洲的C分支是B分支在意大利呆了数周后突变而来的,变得特别适合在当地传播。俺觉着C适应的应该是白种人,而对俺们亚裔适应的是肆虐在武汉的B分支,所以俺们老中在欧洲很安全!
老公立马爆笑:“你知道吗,病毒不适应宿主的话,往往是把宿主直接杀死!!”
原本陶醉在自我完美逻辑的俺一时惊啦,完全没想到这点!恼羞成怒的俺立马诉诸武力,挥拳就上,而他娴熟地用膝盖和双手进行抵抗,利索索地把穿着宽大长裙的俺举起在了空中。虽然自感有些像泰坦尼克号船头相拥般的浪漫,但实景拍下来估计俺就像一只巨大的蝙蝠。看到他一脸的轻松愉快,俺深感庆幸,琢磨着自己应该还可以再增重个几公斤。![鬼脸 鬼脸](https://blog.wenxuecity.com/include/editor/ckeditor/plugins/smiley/images/wxc/002.gif)
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