笑死我了， 刚收到Dean 助理发到邮箱里的笑话

The Human Body 

Three freshman engineering students were sitting around one day arguing about who might have designed the human body.

The first one said, "It must have been a mechanical engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff - a mechanical engineer must have designed all that."

The second one said, "No, it had to have been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired up to the brain must have been designed by an electrical engineer."

Then the third one said, "No, it was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line through the recreational area?"

三个工程系一年级学生争论谁设计的人体。 第一个说：一定是机械工程师，看看那些杠杆，支点等等，肯定是机械工程师设计了全部。 第二个说：错，肯定是电器工程师，从神经到大脑那么复杂的连线一定是电器工程师的设计。

第三个说：都不对，那时土木工程师，其他人谁会在娱乐区安装下水道？

Engineering Rules 工程设计准则

1. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

任何电路设计至少包含一个元件已经停产，两个买不到，三个还在研制中

2. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

3. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

4. If you can't fix it -- document it.

5. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

Engineering Terminologies

1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.)

2. Close project coordination. (We should have asked someone else.)

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem. (We just hired 3 guys. We'll let them kick it around for a while.)

4. Major technological breakthrough. (Back to the drawing board.)

5. Customer satisfaction believed assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get anything at all from us.)

6. Preliminary operational test were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch!)

7. The test results were extremely gratifying. (It works and boy are we surprised.)

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

9. It is in the process. (It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.)

10. We will look into it. (By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we will assume you have forgotten about it.)

11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this job.)

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done.)

13. Give us your interpretation. (Your warped opinion will be pitted against our good sense.)

14. See me, or Let's discuss. (Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.)

15. All new. (Parts not interchangeable with previous design.)

16. Rugged. (Too heavy to lift.)

17. Lightweight. (Lighter than rugged.)

18. Years of development. (Finally got one that worked.)

19. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)

20. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix!)

Normal People vs. Engineers

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Automotive Engineer vs. Vanilla Ice Cream

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: "This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'"

The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavor and get checked out.

Now the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem -- not the vanilla ice cream -- the engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapor lock. It was happening every night, but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Moral of the story: Even insane looking problems are sometimes real.